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Spammers Declare Me Dead - Now What?
(Computer Humor)

Just when you think you have seen all the different types of scam and spam email, someone comes up with a new idea.
In this case, the spammer who allegedly works for the newly formed “United Nations Compensation Commission”, decided to bring pressure to bear on the readers of his scam by declaring them dead within 48 hours of receiving the email.
Of course, I found this to be hilarious, and I just had to compose a reply to his email. So without further ado, I present the spam email followed by my reply.

***************Spam Email Start*******************

Dear Beneficiary,

Your credit payment file have been reviewed and opened, We received an email that you are Dead and you have one Mr. John Campbell to claim your funds related to your compensation funds $5,000,000.00 United State Dollars that has been with us since eight months now and he has also agreed to pay the fund release charges of US$267. 

So I am writing you to know if you are DEAD OR ALIVE ,this is because Mr.John Campbell presented to us your Death Certificate,if you do not reply to this notification in the next 48hrs, we will have no other alternative than to believe that you are truly dead according to Mr. John Campbell then we will start the transfer and the delivery of your funds to your next of kin’s account which he has claimed to be, And if you are still alive, you can get back to us as fast as you can by responding to this email. 

Take note that Mr. John Campbell has agreed to pay for THE FUNDS RELEASE CHARGES, if you refuse to get back to us within 48hrs, am afraid that we shall give the fund transfer to him and receive the charges from him that means that he is right that you are dead and as next of kin, he is entitled to receive your funds as claimed. 

NOTE: He has dropped his bank account details and his home address for delivery of the funds  into the International ATM card and he promises to make the necessary payment. We are writing to confirm if all is true because he wants us to start the transfer and the delivery now. You are advice to get back to me as soon as possible if you are alive and ready to claim your compensation fund with us$267 as funds release charges.

Therefore, I would advise you to contact Me immediately for assistance and remember to quote that your CASE FILE is 54AC003.   UNITED NATIONS COMPENSATION COMMISSION

e-MAIL: williamsscott453

You are to email to us a scan copy of your driver's license or national ID for proper identification.

Please, get back to us as soon as possible to know if we are to get Mr. John Campbell arrested for trying to claim your fund illegally. Note that you have been given just 48hrs to get back to us .  You are required to furnish us with the Information Below.

House Address:
Phone Number:
Marital Status: 

We await your swift response in regard to this news we received from Mr. JOHN CAMPBELL Thanks. God Loves and Bless you and your family. 

In receipts of this message,you are hereby advice to email me back at: williamsscott453

Yours Faithfully,
Williams Scott
United Nations Compensation Commission. 

The information contained in this e-mail and any attachments may be legally Privileged and confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail and any attachments is strictly prohibited.

***************** End of Spam Email ****************

----------------------------My reply ---------------

Dear Williams Scott,

Since it has been over a week since you emailed me, I assume you have declared me dead. I just want to say thank you so much! I have been down on my financial luck for a couple of months and this might be just the ticket to get me back up on my feet - (figuratively speaking of course, we both know that this would give away the whole “I’m dead” thing.)

Anyway, since you claimed me dead and all, I was just wondering if you could send me a copy of the death certificate so I can turn it in for my life insurance claim. You see, I have a pretty decent life insurance policy, so I don’t need to take any of your discovered millions of dollars (man it sounds like you must have found one of those pirate treasures!)

I do have a couple of questions for you about being dead:

  1. Can I still get a job?
  2. Do I still have to pay taxes?
  3. Am I still married? Or am I single? (I think it would be hard enough on my wife just knowing I was dead, much less the whole, “Sorry you aren’t married anymore thing.”)
  4. How does this affect claiming Social Security?
  5. Any other hints and tips for being dead?

Enough of the dead thing, when did this whole “United Nations Compensation Commission” get started? I mean wow! I never knew the UN’s purpose was to hand out money to people. I thought that the UN’s main purpose was to do all that “let’s all just get along thing”. To think that the UN is trying to give us all money is just too much. You really should do more PR on your United Nations Compensation Commission, I mean it will probably help rid the world of the international banking crisis. And to think so few people have heard of it …

Anyway, congrats on your United Nations Compensation Commission job, and if you would be so kind as to forward my death certificate, and answer my other being dead questions, that would be great.

Yours truly,

P.S. Are you sure your name is Williams Scott. Because it seems like you are using your last name as your first name and vice versa. No offense, but is this some kind of word processing miscue?

------------------- End of Reply -------------- Note: This is a fictitious story based on real events. Never communicate with spammers or intentionally visit phishing web sites. They will definitely attempt to rob you by direct or indirect means.
Visiting phishing web sites can result in some nasty key logging viruses being put on your computer. Key logging viruses attempt to steal your passwords for banking, shopping, and other places that you won't like.
Some articles for further reading: InfoHQ Article, "Fighting Back Against Email Spammers, Internet Hackers, and other Web Thieves", the FBI's "Common Fraud Schemes", FTC consumer alert, "How Not to Get Hooked by a ‘Phishing’ Scam".


Have anything you want to add or comment on?
: Comments will be reviewed and then posted at the bottom of this article.

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